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Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if I hurt myself?
  The feelings will shift, there will be some relief.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It will bring a distraction from the feelings, it will help me to not feel so rejected, I will feel cared for (in the aftermath of SI anyway)
• how do I want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  Ideally, in the long run, I would like to stop reacting to things irrationally (which I know I am doing now, but that doesn't help). I would like to be able to look at a situation rationally, and not feel completely rejected. SI will always take me farther from a goal.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  It will last for the rest of tonight, and possibly until this feeling wears off, which I know it will in time.
• what is something I could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation I'm in? how long will that change last, and what will I do then?
  I could vacuum the house like I was supposed to this morning, I could find a way to make myself feel cared for. It will give me something else to do until the feelings pass.
• how will I feel tomorrow if I hurt myself? how will I feel tomorrow if I do the other thing I came up with?
  I will be very upset and annoyed at myself, and feel incredibly guilty if I SI. I won't feel those things if I did the other stuff.
• what do I really want to do right now? how can I best honour the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I really want to find a way to deal with the feelings of rejection, and to feel cared for. I can find a way to distract myself/care for myself.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  I have always used SI to cope with feeling rejected. I got to this point because this is the second time this week something has happened that left me feeling rejected, although both are a bit irrational.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  I feel rejected often. I used to SI. The last time I went out and ran some errands I had to run.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  I'm doing these questions, I'm trying to reason with myself as to why I don't need to feel rejected.
• How do I feel right now?
  Rejected, hurt, alone, uncared for, shut off, and annoyed (at myself)
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  Release, relief
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  Cared for/taken care of. Tomorrow I will feel annoyed, upset and guilty.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I need to continue working on my irrational responses to situations with my counsellor
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  No, yes, I don't know. I'm torn.