bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  It may relieve some tension. But the relief will only be temporary.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  Relief in my brain, for a little while.
  
  What will it take away? It'll take away my willingness to show myself in public, because I'll have scars all over me and that will make my situation worse.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  I want to feel apathetic about it. Hurting myself will probably make feel weak, which won't bring me closer to that feeling.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then [after the relief wears off, I'm assuming is the "then"]?
  
  I don't know how long it will last or what I'll do then.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  Play games. But not on Facebook. It will get my mind off it. It won't change anything else, but it may make me a little bit more apathetic towards those BEE EYES in my life.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  Well, I've already hurt myself today once. If I hurt myself again, it will show that my plan to hurt myself a little and then deal with my feelings afterwards didn't work. And that won't be very good.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

Eat pizza. Hook. Watch hockey. About a million things.

I can best honor that self-protective instinct, by doing something else. By living in some small way.