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Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i'll finally have gotten what i want.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  it will give me relief. it will take away trust when i finally get up the guts to tell people.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i don't know how i *want* to feel.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  it will last for a minute or two, and then i'll start binge cutting.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  i don't know. the only thing i *want* to do is cut. it will change the situation drastically. i'll be a danger to myself again, my pdoc will drop me, and my parents will freak. not good.
  that is - if they find out. which they will, sooner or later.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  i don't know, i don't know, i don't know!
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  i want comfort and familiarity and to be doing something.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

"i want comfort and familiarity and to be doing something."

This really is the key, what else gives you this kind of feeling? It doesn't matter what it is, how old, how secret, how silly. What gives you comfort and familiarity that you can do right now? Or in a few minutes.

Maybe watch an old favorite show on the internet, or wrap up in a favorite old blanket, make some tea, listen to the happiest feel good song you have. Talk on this board or call a friend. If these ideas don't sound good, maybe something on the coping forum will help.