bus

size=18]Before You Self-Harm[/size]
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
I'm feeling bad because a situation at work made me feel like it's out of my league or control. Before I would turn to my mentor to talk about it, but she passed away. I feel like I don't know how to handle the situation and that answers of others about this will not do. I feel like the only one who could help me with this and would know how to say anything usefull about it, was her, but she isn't here anymore. It makes me feel alone, abandonned and angry. The feeling that it's not in my powers to change anything about it and the angryness makes me want to cut.

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? Not...
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? Nothing, maybe some relief of tension
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? I want to feel a feeling of gratitude because I had the chance to know her. She was a very special woman, never met anyone like her...
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I could talk to people for advice, but I don't feel up to because I think I will reject the answers given...
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? Bad and I don't know. It's a too big a step to do so. I don't know what the policy is about this situations.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? No

In reading what you wrote, I had a thought. It might help, it might not... but I figured it wouldn't hurt to share it.

It sounds like your mentor was a very special person and someone you really trusted a lot... but it also sounds like you feel a bit lost without her. The problem at work is obviously a problem, but missing her and her wisdom sounds like it is the harder thing for you to deal with right now.

Do you think it would help to have a "pretend" conversation with her?
I know this probably sounds strange, but I expect you know her well and have learned more from her than you may realize... and even if you can't have a normal conversation with her anymore, you may be able to "talk things over with her" by filling in what you think she would probably do and say. Not only can doing this help you think of things from a different angle and maybe come up with the solution you need, it can make you feel more connected to the person and remind you of how much of her you still have within yourself.