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Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I might feel real, maybe
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  I will feel the rush.......I will not be any better off soon after, and will have more shame
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to feel in control. I want to feel safe, like no one can hurt me. I will actually loose control, and will not even be safe from myself
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  maybe a few minutes. never can tell, maybe all night, but it would take a lot. i will freak out and withdraw more
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  write. idk, maybe put my thoughts and feelings in order. i really don't know.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  hopeless. i might feel bad tomorrow no matter what, but i will still have hope if i don't
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to be heard. I want to rant. I want to do damage. I want to tell my mom what she did when i was little. i want to tell my whole family off. i want to tell my bro how he makes me feel when he acts like i don't deserve anybetter from my husband. I could protect myself from judgemental people and not be around them. I could keep away from dangerous things like drugs and blades, and lighters, and junk food, and cigs, i should just stick to my computer, books, and journals until my husband gets home


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  I feel like i can't handle things properly and i'm not good enough. that lady needed an ambulance and i freaked out. i got pulled over by the cop, he was nice, but i freaked out. i stayed calm on the outside, but i was spinning. i didn't feel real when no one could hear me on the phone. i hate that feeling.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  i wrote a lot and tried to talk to people, but mostly wrote.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  talked to husband for a little while when the phone had better reception. i could cuddle with my favorite blanket and pillow
• How do I feel right now?
  calm, and hyper, and a little more inner peace than when i started with these questions
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  excited, and distracted
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  extatic and proud of myself for a sec, but later i will be devostated. tomorrow morning i would be depressed and feel hopeless. tomorrow i may be depressed no matter what, but i still can have hope if i dont hurt myself
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  i need to face the issues of my mom being violent when she was all dizzy and passing out, then maybe i will be more together. i don't know. i don't know if i could really avoid these things, because they just happen
• Do I need to hurt myself?

not now

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.