Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I might feel real, maybe - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I will feel the rush.......I will not be any better off soon after, and will have more shame - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel in control. I want to feel safe, like no one can hurt me. I will actually loose control, and will not even be safe from myself - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
maybe a few minutes. never can tell, maybe all night, but it would take a lot. i will freak out and withdraw more - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
write. idk, maybe put my thoughts and feelings in order. i really don't know. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
hopeless. i might feel bad tomorrow no matter what, but i will still have hope if i don't - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to be heard. I want to rant. I want to do damage. I want to tell my mom what she did when i was little. i want to tell my whole family off. i want to tell my bro how he makes me feel when he acts like i don't deserve anybetter from my husband. I could protect myself from judgemental people and not be around them. I could keep away from dangerous things like drugs and blades, and lighters, and junk food, and cigs, i should just stick to my computer, books, and journals until my husband gets home
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel like i can't handle things properly and i'm not good enough. that lady needed an ambulance and i freaked out. i got pulled over by the cop, he was nice, but i freaked out. i stayed calm on the outside, but i was spinning. i didn't feel real when no one could hear me on the phone. i hate that feeling. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
i wrote a lot and tried to talk to people, but mostly wrote. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
talked to husband for a little while when the phone had better reception. i could cuddle with my favorite blanket and pillow - How do I feel right now?
calm, and hyper, and a little more inner peace than when i started with these questions - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
excited, and distracted - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
extatic and proud of myself for a sec, but later i will be devostated. tomorrow morning i would be depressed and feel hopeless. tomorrow i may be depressed no matter what, but i still can have hope if i dont hurt myself - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i need to face the issues of my mom being violent when she was all dizzy and passing out, then maybe i will be more together. i don't know. i don't know if i could really avoid these things, because they just happen - Do I need to hurt myself?
not now
Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.
