before

[loveLights]

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will be dissappointed. loose hope. feel like i failed. i want to stop the obession, but i don't think that that's what i will accomplish

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
temporary control. i will feel like i can handle things for a while. It will only last a little while, and i will probably feel worse and want to do more

how do i want to feel about this in the long run?I want to feel empowered and confident. I want to feel like nothing can hurt me is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? i will weak and sick. i will feel like i couldn't handle anything. If i hurt myself over something someone else did to me, it will be like me letting them hurt me again.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? a few minutes, or maybe all evening if i do something that takes that long to come down from, but that will be only relief because of the seriousness and anxiety of the situation that i created what will i do then? probably do it again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? go pick my son up from school. call a friend. write. take care of school paperwork. how will it change the situation i'm in? if i go pick up my kid now, i won't be able to hurt myself in front of people. if i call a friend i can talk about what's wrong. if i write, i can sort things out in my head. if i take care of paperwork i will be distracted and accomplish somethinghow long will that change last, and what will i do then? pick up my son, i will be with him until night time and when he goes to sleep i can too, so i won't be up late obsessing about hurting myself. if i call a friend i might be distracted or get to talk about my feelings for a while. after that i could pick up my son or write or something. i really need to go to sleep at a decent hour so that i wont be up late obsessing because none of these ideas last forever

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? like a liar. like an idiot. maybe a little giddy from the secret(honest) but i will also feel a loss of hope because who knows when or if i will be able to stop again. how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? probably not good, but not hopeless.

what do i really want to do right now? spin out of control and cut/drink/binge eat for days. cry.how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now? find a way to stand up for myself.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? because i'm tired of the struggle not to. dissociative episode and want to snap out of it. if i give up now, it won't hurt as bad as if i give up next year. What has brought me to this point? my husband cheated on me. my mother in law wants to take my kid away from me. she really insulted me the other day. i can't keep my house clean. I almost failed my last classes. my job sucks and my boss yells at me every day. i can't seem to get anywhere on time in the last few days. i havn't been this stressed in a long time and i dont like dealing with this.

Have I been here before? yes. What did I do to deal with it?talked with people How did I feel then? not always better, but braver or something like that. hopeful

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? called friends (but i wasn't honest about what i wanted to do) What else can I do that won't hurt me? go to the meeting

How do I feel right now? scared

How will I feel when I am hurting myself? excited, numb, shameful, happy

How will I feel after hurting myself?afraid and desperate How will I feel tomorrow morning?sad, no motivation, hopeless

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?i need to stand up to my mother-in-law. i don't know how. i need to find my motivation from me and my goals, not my husband. i need to rely less on attention from others and approval.

Do I need to hurt myself? not now