before
Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 7:24 pm
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
nothing will actually change. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it'll give me those chemicals i need to feel happy, at least for a little while.
but later on i'll feel shitty again... idk. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to be content with life in the long run. hurting myself isn't gonna do jack shit for that.
i mean, unless somebody actually noticed/gave a damn for once in my life, and got me help.. but that's not likely to happen.
i'll still have a chemical rush. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
probably like... 30 mins-1 hour tops. depends on how bad it is.
then, i dunno... maybe i can get some sleep after that. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could play my ds... it won't change anything, i mean, there's nothing to change. it will just distract me. and then, i don't know, i'll probably continue feeling sorry for myself. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
i'll feel shitty tomorrow if i hurt myself.
i'll feel shitty tomorrow if i don't hurt myself. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
right now... idk. i really just want to sleep... stop existing for a little while.
idk.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i don't know, i'm just tired of everything... tired of this place, tired of my dad, tired of myself. tired of being sad. tired of living a non-life. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
yeah, i've been here before. usually i either hurt myself or suck it up and wait for it to pass... but i never know how long it'll take to pass. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
eh... i haven't really done anything. i've failed at sleeping, played my ds, ate... though eating makes me feel worse, so...
i don't know, i could make some tea or something. keep playing video games. keep being useless.
this is dumb. - How do I feel right now?
like ass.
kind of useless, unloved, lazy... not worth much. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
stupid. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
good for a while. stupid again tomorrow morning. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i don't know what the hell it is. it's just come out of nowhere.
idk. - Do I need to hurt myself?
no... i don't need to do anything.
i just really want to.