bus

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  No, and I won't- that's kinda the point.
• what had happened just before?
  Nothing external, just feeling su.
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  Feeling really depressed and su, thinking that if I did something small that would physically hurt it would displace the feeling of wanting to die from the level of urgency it was at.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  Receiving no help from my gp, even though I was actually the one who refused going IP, etc. The feeling that nobody can help me stop being su.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I could have asked for help from the howe care team, though I'm not sure what good it would do.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  None of those.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  Calling my best friend. Might have worked better if I'd actually told her what was going through my mind. Coming on BUS- too late.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  Emailing my gf, coming on BUS earlier, talking to a friend and actually being honest with them about what's going on.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  I have no idea.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  It is by no means resolved, just put off for a little while. I might call a helpline my gp gave me and if that doesn't work go back to her for help.
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  Erm, isn't this a daft question? I'll recognise it as the same emotional situation because it will feel like the same emotional situation.
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

Calling/emailing my gf; calling my Mum/a friend; come on BUS.

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  Because I was alone.
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  It was there.
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  Because a lot of this is spurred on by anxiety, I probably would have tried my diazepam/haloperidol combo.
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  Probably been the same.
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  The feeling- I generally gave up SI over 2 years ago, so for me to do it now it has to be some tremendous feeling.
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

The same- su and probably more likely to actually kill myself.

After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.
I don't remember my last urge that I beat as it was probably years ago, but I probably got through it with a mixture of talking to my gf, listening to loud music on earphones and using the 15 minute rule.

• Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
  Probably, I used to be good at that.
• If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
  Remembering feelings from years ago is hard, but I expect they were probably worthlessness and guilt, etc, and I expect I worked them out by thinking things over, cause and effect, etc.
• What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
  15 minute rule, spending time with flatmates, listening to music, talking to my gf.
• Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
  For me personally, yes. For others, perhaps not.
• If No - What coping skills got me through?
  N/A
• Why do I think they worked?
  Distraction and letting the feelings pass used to be key for me years ago. It certainly wouldn't work in my current situation however.
• How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?

Talk how I'm feeling through with someone. As for feeling su, I haven't the foggiest.

Distraction and letting the feelings pass used to be key for me years ago. It certainly wouldn't work in my current situation however.

Why would they not work? I know the feeling SU is probably stronger (and scarier) than what you were talking about before, but distraction and letting the feelings fade some has often worked for me regarding SU feelings. They may not go away entirely, but just giving myself time and thinking about other things often reminded me that I COULD go on and that things were not as hopeless as they felt/seemed.

Obviously your situation may be different... but I think if something was useful in the past, it may be worth looking at it again. Not just the distraction part, but the actively paying attention to your feelings and responding to them in healthy ways too. Those won't change a bipolar episode, but they can lessen the intensity of it.