Before
Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2009 9:53 pm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
i can't focus on anything except the urge, and i have to work. how can i focus?
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i won't feel so desperate. i want to notice me. i want to cry. i am crying. cutting will make it stop. it will make it all stop.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it'll take away my feelings all i'll have is the cutting. but i';; be able to focus and not feel so desperate and tense
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to stop but it feels endless. i feel like i'll never stop. i'll be old and wrinkly and still cutting. ew. sob
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
perhaps a day, not much tho. and after not feeling for a coiuple of days i'll want to do it again.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
this is what i'm doing instead. after this i don't know what. maybe i'll go downstairs and play a game but the urge will be stronger tomorrow. i'll play a game. then sleep. i'll feel depressed, and pathetic, i won't be able to work.. ah fuck
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
numb but in control. frustrated and depro
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
cut that's all i want to do. and sob for hours. i don't know why i'm hurting so much. but i hurt. ow. it really hurts and i don't what is hurting me... i could do smaller cuts, arg but that makes me feel more stupid. i could talk to someone. about what tho?
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
thank god i'm not a complete freak.
More Before Questions To Answer
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
endless work, not being seen, disappearing behind my stupid smiley face and everyone else's shit, and wanting to protect my boyfriend from my craziness.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes. i cut. great
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
typed. worked. cried. i don't know
How do I feel right now?
hopeless, abandonned, so deeply sad, i haven't felt like this in a long long while. i suppose this is what happens when i don't cut...
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
brave, crazy and brilliant (pls don't judge) and numb.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
dazed, zoned.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
no i don't know. i don't know...
Do I need to hurt myself?
no i think it will stop this sad thing that is going on that i always avoid. maybe i'll give it another hour... see how things are
Remember you don't have to answer all the
i can't focus on anything except the urge, and i have to work. how can i focus?
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i won't feel so desperate. i want to notice me. i want to cry. i am crying. cutting will make it stop. it will make it all stop.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
it'll take away my feelings all i'll have is the cutting. but i';; be able to focus and not feel so desperate and tense
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to stop but it feels endless. i feel like i'll never stop. i'll be old and wrinkly and still cutting. ew. sob
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
perhaps a day, not much tho. and after not feeling for a coiuple of days i'll want to do it again.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
this is what i'm doing instead. after this i don't know what. maybe i'll go downstairs and play a game but the urge will be stronger tomorrow. i'll play a game. then sleep. i'll feel depressed, and pathetic, i won't be able to work.. ah fuck
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
numb but in control. frustrated and depro
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
cut that's all i want to do. and sob for hours. i don't know why i'm hurting so much. but i hurt. ow. it really hurts and i don't what is hurting me... i could do smaller cuts, arg but that makes me feel more stupid. i could talk to someone. about what tho?
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
thank god i'm not a complete freak.
More Before Questions To Answer
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
endless work, not being seen, disappearing behind my stupid smiley face and everyone else's shit, and wanting to protect my boyfriend from my craziness.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes. i cut. great
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
typed. worked. cried. i don't know
How do I feel right now?
hopeless, abandonned, so deeply sad, i haven't felt like this in a long long while. i suppose this is what happens when i don't cut...
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
brave, crazy and brilliant (pls don't judge) and numb.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
dazed, zoned.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
no i don't know. i don't know...
Do I need to hurt myself?
no i think it will stop this sad thing that is going on that i always avoid. maybe i'll give it another hour... see how things are
Remember you don't have to answer all the
tnx love, means lots 
i'm k, did end up slipping but a day later, which is good for me 
tnx for caring 