bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i will feel calmer for a while, then more upset.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  hurting myself will bring a different anxiety to the situation, and will take away the urge.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i want to feel like i'm recovering. hurting myself will get us farther from the situation.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  the relief will last a few minutes and then i'll cut some more.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  i could make some paper swans. that will make me smile, at least for a few minutes.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  tomorrow i will be disappointed if i hurt myself. if i do some origami or go for a walk i'll feel proud of myself.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

i really want rest. i can close my eyes for a bit and try to sleep.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

I hope writing this helped, anon. I think you did a good job on these questions.
Getting some rest sounds like a good idea. hope you managed to sleep, sweetie.

it did help, clouds. and i did get to sleep. thanks so much for the encouragement, cloudya.