bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i will calm down, stop thinking so much and be able to sleep soon.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  bring - a lot of baggage, the likelihood of it happening again, shutting down emotions that might be better coming out, probably secrets
  take - my longest time without si, my previous confidence in facing si urges
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  long run, i want to escape from life and don't care what happens. si won't change that nor make it easier to give up.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  relief will only last til tomorrow when i have a stressful appt. i might be tempted to si again then, depending how it goes.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  listen to music and/or a meditation, i need to relax. maybe go outside where it's really cold and will shock me into calmness. maybe read which will distract me.
  i don't think anything will really deal with my emotions, but a combination might keep me away from si long enough that i can fall asleep.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  if i si, tomorrow i will feel secretive, powerful, reckless. if i do other things, tomorrow will probably be stressful and sad.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  i want to freak out, and holding myself in is hurting. i suppose the si urge would be helping me express my emotions which are a bti overwhelming, but too hard to express. maybe music or something emotional will honour my self.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  feeling like i really want to die and nothing i can do will stop me getting more and more depressed. i don't know if it will help, but it's probably contributed to hopelessness, that i'm not telling anyone irl about how i feel,
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  yes. long time ago. i dealt eith it by seeing my dr and t i think. don't have either right now cos i moved, but i should be trying to find them.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  type in my place and then here. try to breathe a little deeper/slower.
  i can try a simple distraction, then going to bed. hopefully music will help me relax, but i can read if i can't sleep.
• How do I feel right now?
  alone, annoyed, sad, anxious, scared.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  calm. self-centred. protected. playfully violent.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  regretful, scared, angry.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  a little, yes. i probably should talk about things when su thoughts are a slight bother, not when i get to the stage of feeling a bit out of control. i might be able to find other stresses/triggers that come first and deal with them better. i could cope/deal better by having more coping ideas in place and using them earlier.
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  need - no. will i? - maybe but not yet

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.