after *lang

[ambivalent red]

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
yes.

what had happened just before?
I left the house to get away from my husband. I went back and got my tool.

what were you thinking and feeling?
angry, hurt, out of options, a fucking failure.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
final straw was him suggesting I would cheat on him. Final straw was him saying he doesnt trust my best friend. I dont trust his friends but I trust him, so he is pretty much saying he doesnt trust me.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I tried to defend myself and he kept bringing up my friend, who by the way has never put me in a situation he is claiming will happen.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
no factors, maybe lack of factors. Maybe if had a drink or a few pills I could have handled it better.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried to go for a walk. I could not keep my emotions under control on the street. I looked like a crazy bitch.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I tried several, none worked.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
none

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
No, it's not resolved. It's been months since I SId and then my husband had to point it out. I dont need that shit! I'm not proud of it, dont point it out, asshole!

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I will leave him soon, until then I have no idea how to handle his jealousy.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
music
bus
journaling

[zazie]

Why do you think drinking or pills would help? What kind of pills?

I understand feeling like you can't find an answer right now. I'd like you to keep thinking about how you can find a solution eventually. Because sooner or later, it's good to reach the point of being able to cope with stress without SI.

I understand that you're angry at your husband and he treated you badly. I can see the problem with his behavior.

If you were going to not put all of the responsibility on him, where would you put responsibility on yourself?