Before
Posted: Sat May 16, 2009 5:23 am
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
i just want to break down, cry, and go into his arms. i want to feel good about the relationship and i want to go back to years ago. i can't do any of that though.
I can honor myself, my body, by taking care of it, by babying it and giving it rest, rather than self harm.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It won't change. But i am tired of feeling and cutting will stop the feelings and the thoughts in my head and allow me to focus on one place of physical pain. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I have been si free for six months. I got a tattoo in the place where i like to si to remind myself of what i've been thru and what it took to get here. i don't want to give that up now. but i am so tired and hurt and alone. it makes me want to cut to stop this feeling in my head. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel good about myself in the long run. i want to know that i was strong enough to face down this pain and not give into the urges. If i were to si tonight, then i would be so much further from my goal and i would disappoint myself. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It's been so long..but i think the relief would get me through this evening. Then i would worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. I don't know what i will do after that. i don't want to si cuz i think if i do, i won't be able to stop. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could shower and go to bed. i could call someone. i could write more in place or i could write to my friend. it would change the situation by forcing me to feel the feelings as i wrote them down or discussed it. but i don't feel like i have the energy to do those things right now. i should just sleep as i am so exhausted, and am sick too. i don't know what to do anymore. i am so confused. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel like shit if i give in now. I have fought thru so much to get to where i am now. i don't want to give in. i will feel much better if i just get a good night's sleep. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
i just want to break down, cry, and go into his arms. i want to feel good about the relationship and i want to go back to years ago. i can't do any of that though.
I can honor myself, my body, by taking care of it, by babying it and giving it rest, rather than self harm.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
i want to stop feeling out of control. i don't like what he's told me because now i don't know what do to. i have worked so hard and fought thru so much to get to where i am. now he's telling me he wants me back and it is tearing me apart. how do i honor and respect myself and still love him? i don't know what to do. i want to si to stop all these thoughts. i want to stop thinking. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I dealt with it before by si'ing. i have also called friends. i could do that now but the two ppl i want to talk to are out of the country. i don't want to talk to my other friends cuz i don't think they would understand. i don't know if i want to tell everyone what has transpired, especially if i decide to ignore the offer, because then i wouldn't tell anyone anyway. - How do I feel right now?
exhausted. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
horribly calm. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
like crap. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i don't know. i have already called my t and made an appt. i have discussed with my best friend. i have posted in place. i don't know what else to do. - Do I need to hurt myself?
