Before

[Joseph]

Before:
SI Sex SU





























Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  Nothing ever changes. I will feel numb, and distracted from the feelings for a little while but after doing this three times over the last two weeks including the morning I before I saw th ePDOC. I did not tell him.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? It will give me the feeling of contrition for a little while but also will reinforce the thoughts of wanting to be dead that have been going one since I SI two weeks ago.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I know this is a dead end with a brick wall at the end but it does not matter to me.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  an hour or two but I will hate myself even more eventually once the pain dissipates.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I tried calling T yesterday. I know she is angry with me since I told her I Si'd twice without calling her. I want to some more and I know that yesterday so I called but I doubt I got that point across as I did not here from her. I told her I was afraid to ask for help.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? It does not matter hate myself today and I will hate myself tomorrow.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I want to numb by acting out. I do not understand the rest of the question

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  I hate myself and want to die but am too much of a coward. So I act out sexually to make all of my thoughts and feelings go away for as long as I can until I am exhausted and sleep
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?too many times and nothing changes
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  I am here and not acting out. I called my T yesterday but she has not called me back.
• How do I feel right now?
  I want to die. I am crying. I hate myself.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself? disconnected
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? numb but tomorrow I will feel just like I do right now.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  That is not an option as it is inside of me.
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  No but the alternatives are not better. At least for now the feelings will be pushed from my thoughts for a little while

[sixtyfoothigh]

Do you *know* your T is angry at you? You may believe she is angry and you... but did she actually say she was angry with you? It seems more likely to me that if she is upset it's because she doesn't want her client to be in distress. So she might be angry and your illness/coping mechanisms, but not at you as a person.

Take care
S x

[Joseph]

True

I think some of it is I am protecting myself unnecessarily but creating distance because I am angry with me for not being able to do what it is she wants me to do.

[Joseph]

Before:
AO Sex






























* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It will not change. I just need to get through the current day.

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
I will become numb the agitated feeling will be stuffed back inside.
My self esteem of making it this far only to fail again

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to be comfortable with my own company without fear and loneliness.
It will take me further away from my desire to learn to be comfortable in my own skin


* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
until I am finished. go to bed feeling like a failure.

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I am here doing this until I go to bed. The change will last until I awake and start feeling the feelings again.

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel like a failure.
Doing this will prevent me from feeling like I failed.


* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to act out sexually.
I do not really understand the other question




urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer


* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I have been acting out my feeling all of my life. Today is not diffrent. I have not acted out in days and feel like I am coming apart
* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes
I didn't
like crap

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I am here and not acting out.
I can go to bed

* How do I feel right now?
Tense

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
disconnected

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? numb but tomorrow I will feel just like I do right now.

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
That is not an option as it is inside of me.

* Do I need to hurt myself?
No