after... fuck not again...*sighs*

[ChangeTheWorld]

what had happened just before?
i've been overwhelmed by memories of SA when i was 8.


what were you thinking and feeling?
anxious, depressed, lonely... like i was a little girl again.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it? Having to go to my stupid mental health program and pretend i was fine. i hate it.


how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
i could have put the blades away instead of leaving them on the coffee table. I could have excused myself from mental health instead of thinking i had to be "brave".


were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
none this time, unless you count PTSD.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
i tried talking with my friend. didn't work.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
to keep talking to cary or one of the mh workers around would have been good


name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
talking to Emma tomorrow for some strategies.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? calling emma again tomorrow.


are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? bodily signals, heart racing etc.


what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

talking
hugging my teddy. exercise... (didnt do it this time cos it's night)


this period of self harm was very impulsive. i was feeling crap, saw the blade and didn't even think. this bothers me.