After, but wanting to again
Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 3:27 am
*self harm triggers*
have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Umm, yeah. It was last night. I know I should've seen a doctor to be on the safe side but it does feel fine today.
what had happened just before?
Nothing really, just sitting around.
what were you thinking and feeling?
I was very tired and irrationally angry/irritable. I was so stressed about moving house and cleaning and everything. I'd been alone all day and feeling so unmotivated and frustrated.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Because I've recently got into the habit of SIing to cope again. Having tools around doesn't help. (They got thrown out after
) I think just that the opportunity came up was the final straw after the huge urges.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Well, back story is that I've just got back from overseas a couple of days ago. So, I'm having to adjust back into normal life, but also move house, finish an album, go back to work etc, so stress is a massive thing. These things are unavoidable (and positive things really) but I should've been sleeping properly to help with the stress.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I didn't sleep for the 2 days or so of travel I did, and I also missed a med dose because of time zones/jetlag. That was about 4 days ago now but I'm still suffering from the jetlag a bit. I really needed to have slept on the plane, and I knew that, but I still didn't.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I pretty much didn't. Well, OCD slipped in and I cleaned the kitchen, which helped a little bit, but apart from that I hardly tried really.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Having a quick nap would have been good. Also, talking. I clammed up really badly because I was irritable and could only say 'I'm ok' but I wasn't.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Let M know that when I clam up, I need to be pressured to talk. Doing this is a good reminder.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Well. I still have a lot to do. I'm still stressed, overwhelmed and frustrated, with the added bonus of pain now
I guess I just need to keep on keeping on and talk though it while 'm working.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I still am. I have recognised it because nothing has changed.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Well. I'm doing this, which is a good step. Let's see.. I also will write a list of things I need to get done, and tick them off as I'm doing them, so that I can recognise my achievements. Also, breathing and relaxation.
I don't have the energy to do any more.
have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Umm, yeah. It was last night. I know I should've seen a doctor to be on the safe side but it does feel fine today.
what had happened just before?
Nothing really, just sitting around.
what were you thinking and feeling?
I was very tired and irrationally angry/irritable. I was so stressed about moving house and cleaning and everything. I'd been alone all day and feeling so unmotivated and frustrated.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Because I've recently got into the habit of SIing to cope again. Having tools around doesn't help. (They got thrown out after
) I think just that the opportunity came up was the final straw after the huge urges. how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Well, back story is that I've just got back from overseas a couple of days ago. So, I'm having to adjust back into normal life, but also move house, finish an album, go back to work etc, so stress is a massive thing. These things are unavoidable (and positive things really) but I should've been sleeping properly to help with the stress.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I didn't sleep for the 2 days or so of travel I did, and I also missed a med dose because of time zones/jetlag. That was about 4 days ago now but I'm still suffering from the jetlag a bit. I really needed to have slept on the plane, and I knew that, but I still didn't.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I pretty much didn't. Well, OCD slipped in and I cleaned the kitchen, which helped a little bit, but apart from that I hardly tried really.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Having a quick nap would have been good. Also, talking. I clammed up really badly because I was irritable and could only say 'I'm ok' but I wasn't.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Let M know that when I clam up, I need to be pressured to talk. Doing this is a good reminder.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Well. I still have a lot to do. I'm still stressed, overwhelmed and frustrated, with the added bonus of pain now
I guess I just need to keep on keeping on and talk though it while 'm working.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I still am. I have recognised it because nothing has changed.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Well. I'm doing this, which is a good step. Let's see.. I also will write a list of things I need to get done, and tick them off as I'm doing them, so that I can recognise my achievements. Also, breathing and relaxation.
I don't have the energy to do any more.
