Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will let myself cut again, after the struggle not to. It will change because I won't have to want to cut anymore. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will add my anguish to having my 2nd therapist leave within an 8 month time. I have been 'so together' and productive and positive. At least the cutting lets me know that everything is NOT peachy.
It will take away from my present focus and reveal that I can't deal with this situation. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I am so upset and torn and lost. I should feel strong and independant - that is where I want to be in the long run. Cutting does take me away from that independant feeling, but I don't have it anyway....I never have. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will be there as long as I keep cutting. And have fresh cuts. So it will be a long journey back out. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I am trying to call my old T., but he's not answering anymore. I guess he feels he is done with me. He is in a new job in a new state and he probably want nothing of his old life to bother him.
I am trying to keep really busy and work in the house and try to stay out of bed and not let the depression over take me. But I am getting tired. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If I cut, I may feel a little lost tomorrow. Like, okay, I gave in, now what? What journey am I on? Back into cutting and anger or out into the light of trying and making progress with my 'life' goals. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want my old T. back. I really want that feeling of security and balance back. How can I create that in myself without a T? I don't know how to answer that question.
