Before

[xStarBright]

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  Nothing. I was feeling a tad on the down side an hour or so ago, but nothing really major. I've just aquired something sharp after a long while of throwing away and avoiding all sharp things, so it's just kinda hard. It may have something to do with what happened yesterday, which left me feeling dreary with "I fail at life" thoughts... But I don't feel a connection to that, so it may not be. I think it's just pure "I-finally-have-something-sharp".
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  Not really. I usually have a reason, be it tension, self hate or anger. I don't usually want to do it just because I have the means to...
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  I'm distracting myself. It might be a good idea to revert drink some water out of the tap, that seems to work for me, for some reason...
• How do I feel right now?
  Really longing to self injure. But emotion-wise... Strange. Empty. Fine. But although my emotions are fairly stable and fine I feel on the verge of tears. o.O
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  More good, with a mixture of more sad. It's hard to describe, but somehow I want that.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  Oh god, terrible. I've made it 6 months, which is my longest yet, so I'll feel so humiliated and guilty and ashamed if I have to start back from square 1 tomorrow...
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I don't have a stressor, but I can definitley resume to throwing this sharp thing away, and avoid temptations to come into possesions of sharp things.
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  I probably don't.

[zazie]

Would it be at all helpful to put the sharp thing away somewhere? In a drawer or something? Toss it? Or would that not work?

Do you have any idea about the tears? I know tears can be all kinds of things; sorrow, joy, frustration, anger, relief, etc. Any clue about the feeling behind it? Does thinking you won't go through with it make you feel more or less like crying? What about thinking you will?

It doesn't sound like it'd feel good, but you want to, so presumably it would satisfy or relieve something. Everyone I know who self-harms gets something out of it, even if it doesn't feel good. Any idea what that is? Or am I way off base?

[xStarBright]

No, zazie, I don't think you're off base.

I'm just incredibly unsure of what my own emotions are right now.

Yes, the sharp thing is disposable. I've put it down (with difficulty ), and that's about all I can do right now.

I guess the-sharp-thing brings up a lot of emotions of what I always used to be like when I SI'd 6 months ago. I haven't had an urge like this for a while.

The tears - I have literally no idea. I'm sure I'll find out, but how to find out? No idea.

Thankyou for your input, it has honestly been really helpful!

Take care,
Annie.

[zazie]

Glad to help. Good luck figuring things out.