after. first after in a long long time
Posted: Sun Mar 08, 2009 6:52 am
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
- what had happened just before?
I hyperventillated. I paniced. Me & my Bf fought for the first time. - what were you thinking and feeling?
I felt sad. I felt like I lost my best friend. I felt like I had no one to talk to. I felt hollow and alone. I felt trapped. - why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Because I promised myself I wasn't going to feel heartbroken any more. I said I wasn't going to do this to myself. And I did. And I've lost so many friends & a boyfriend to death. I just can't lose any more people - how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
We were texting. It was obviously leading up to a fight. And I just let it slowly escalate. I was trying to avoid it then I just gave up. But I honestly think there was going to be a fight either way. But as for the SI i have no idea. - were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I have been off my meds for a month and I haven't been able to get a refill. I know this isn't the full cause but I've slowly gotten more depressed over the past month - what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I texted my friends. They said nice things about me but I just felt like I didn't deserve it. I felt like I don't feel those things about myself. - in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I could have just called him right then. Just heard his voice. Just tried to say something. Rather than just sit there quiet and feel stifled. - name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
- how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I mean I talked to him and it's like we're not fighting but we're still not talking. I said what I wanted to say I guess there is nothing more I can do but pray on it. - are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
If we continue not to talk, yes. I am just going to try and keep busy so I don't notice as much. - what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Go jogging
text a friend
KEEP BUSY
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
I just don't like myself. I didn't feel good and I hadn't felt that.. not good since I stopped SI. I just wanted to hurt myself - Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
It was there for the taking. I didn't try and stop it... well I did a little but idk - What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
seriously I swear I would have exploded. I probably would have flipped out on anyone I was around because I wouldn't have even been able to cry. - If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
increased.... well depends... possibly decreased. - What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Being alone with with it being there. I mean normally I really don't get urges any more but this time that's what the oppertunity was.