on the verge of ending an 11 month SI free streak
Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2009 10:29 pm
Before:
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
I want to be in control and for those I care about to recognize how hard I am trying but that I need help.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
yes. punishment is better if given by self before given by others.
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
My husband will have more to use against me once we go to court. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring control. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel successful. It probably won't help later but it would now. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief won't last long enough. Then I'll have to do more damage. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could talk to a friend if I could find one, but I'm not sure how long that would last. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If I hurt myself, I will feel frustrated tomorrow because I am so close to having 1 year SI free. If I call a friend or talk online, I will feel needy. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to be in control and for those I care about to recognize how hard I am trying but that I need help.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I need some control in my out-of-control life. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been here before. I felt ashamed I hurt myself. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've tried finding people to talk with but I don't know what else I can do. - How do I feel right now?
anxious, dark, like a failure, like a toy - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
in control - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
sad - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
get divorced and quit work - Do I need to hurt myself?
yes. punishment is better if given by self before given by others.