Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
My husband will have more to use against me once we go to court. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring control. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel successful. It probably won't help later but it would now. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief won't last long enough. Then I'll have to do more damage. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could talk to a friend if I could find one, but I'm not sure how long that would last. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If I hurt myself, I will feel frustrated tomorrow because I am so close to having 1 year SI free. If I call a friend or talk online, I will feel needy. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to be in control and for those I care about to recognize how hard I am trying but that I need help.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I need some control in my out-of-control life. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been here before. I felt ashamed I hurt myself. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've tried finding people to talk with but I don't know what else I can do. - How do I feel right now?
anxious, dark, like a failure, like a toy - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
in control - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
sad - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
get divorced and quit work - Do I need to hurt myself?
yes. punishment is better if given by self before given by others.
