bus

* how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I don't think it will. I may feel a bit of relief but I will still be lonely. It will make me either more or less likely to get out of isolation, but I'm not sure which.

* what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

It will bring some relief I think - in the short term, that is. It will take away the possibility of feeling satisfied for getting through an urge SI free.

* how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

In the long run I want to be able to be content when I'm alone. I don't want to choose to isolate and feel sorry for myself. SIing will not help me get to where I want to be.

* if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

Part of the problem is that the relief lasts for a long time. The high lasts a couple minutes and then I feel satisfied for a long time, and pleased with myself for a long time when I see the wounds.

* what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I can go to an AA meeting now (I want to SI and then go to a meeting). Then I will be around people and maybe get to be of service. I don't know how long the change will last, but it will keep me sober. SI does not help my sobriety.

* how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

If I don't SI I will want to SI tomorrow. If I do SI I might get to take tomorrow off. Tomorrow is going to be hard so I feel like if I do it now it'll ensure that tomorrow will be manageable.

* what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really want to hurt myself. Maybe I could do something else to care for myself before I go to the meeting.


More Before Questions To Answer


* Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

I want to hurt because I often want to hurt. It's how I learned to deal with things. What I want to use it to deal with now are feelings of loneliness, overwhelm, depression, and anxiety.

* Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

I'm here often. I usually deal with it my SIing. Sometimes by doing something related to my sobriety or cleaning or something.

* What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

I've showered, talked to someone, gone on BUS, played guitar, eaten some vegetables... I could just leave now and go to the meeting.

* How do I feel right now?

Stressed, lonely, alone, depressed, angry, sad, nervous, anxious, like a loser, ugly

* How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

* How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

After hurting myself, I will feel relaxed and cared for and satisfied. It won't solve tomorrow's problems though. It won't solve tonight's problems, either, for that matter.

* Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

I need to plan ahead to avoid isolation.

* Do I need to hurt myself?

Intellectually I know I don't need to. But I FEEL like I HAVE to do it.

I'm glad you can acknoledge that SI won't solve tonights or tomorrows problems, and that you don't NEED to SI, even though you really want to. What things can you do solve or start working towards solving the problems? What things can you do in the future to plan against being isolated?

I hope the AA meeting helped.

S x