Before

[Diane M]

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:



how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I might get some relief from the tension and pain I feel inside. So much worry and its getting too much

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
as above

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
not sure

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
not long and then I will feel guilty

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
phone a helpline or distract myself

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
guilty and even more horrible inside

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
call help or distract

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer



Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
So much stress in my life with both my parents having serious illnesses; going through really hard stuff with psychologist re. SA abuse getting flashbacks and feel filthy and dirty so so much

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
yes, normally harm

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i have been trying to reassure myself its natural to feel anxious with so much going on

How do I feel right now?
low

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
low maybe a bit of relief i am hurting myself cos I hate me and think everyone does and are out to get me

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
guilty and hate me even more

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
not sure

Do I need to hurt myself?
yes - no - so unsure

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

[balletomane]

Hi Diane.
I am sorry things are so difficult right now. You do have a lot of stressful things going on all at once and it must be very difficult to deal with. Are there nice things you can do to take extra good care of yourself right now? You don't deserve to be hurt, you deserve good things. Are you paying attention to the basics like eating and sleeping properly too? That's super important when things are stressful. So, what are some good self care things you can try and do you feel like you are able and willing to try them? I know things have been really hard lately and I hope it gets better.

[Diane M]

Hi B

Thank you for your response. I am doing my best to eat as well as I can and sticking to a daily bedtime routine so I get sleep as that makes it worse if I don't. I didn't harm myself in the end and am pleased about that. I spoke to my psychologist today who said I am needing time to myself as well as being there for others. I have relaxation tapes and a CD but I just feel so overwhelmed but I am hoping to be able to try them soon.

[balletomane]

I am so happy to hear that you didn't end up hurting yourself. I hope the relaxation CDs prove to be useful for you.