Sort of, they're not too bad.
what had happened just before?
Nothing really. It was really impulsive, or it felt that way. I was cutting out pictures in a magazine, then all of a sudden, I wasn't.
what were you thinking and feeling?
Before I wasn't even thinking about cutting. I wasn't thinking I should be careful as I have one of my tools out, even if I'm using it in an appropriate way. After though, I felt immediate relief and euphoria, in the back of my mind, knowing I've slipped and am not right in my feeling happy at that moment, but not caring...if that made any sense at all.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I think it just ended up being an oppertune moment; I had my tool out, even with good intentions, I was alone...things just kind of happened from there.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. I'm really not sure. Throughout the last couple weeks, I've been struggling with being honest with people about my eating disorder...earlier that day my dad and I had a fight and after I felt like a complete worthless bitch. Those things probably triggered it.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Being sick and lack of sleep probably. Once I'm well again, hopefully I'll be able to sleep better, so that may help some.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I was attempting to do art things, before I was reading, watching movies, and writing in my journal. They didnt' work well as I wasn't using them to try not to SI. I figured I was over this after three months, but apparently I'm not
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I should have stayed away from my tool, even if I meant no harm, until I was in a place where I didn't feel so stressed. I was tired, I should have just gone to bed.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I'll do something safer if I feel stressed, such as reading, coloring, and journaling.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? The situation isn't resolved. Being honest with everyone is hard, I hate feeling like I'm causing drama and pain to my family. I just want to go away, but I can't. Steps to take would be what I'm already working towards, is working closer with my T about my eating disorder and trying to recover.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Yea I'm likely to be in it again...I am right now. I feel urgy and want to cut again, because that's how the cycle gets started. Since I recognize it, I'll be able to keep myself safer then if I don't recognize it.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try journaling, coloring, and reading or doing puzzles. If things get really bad, I can always call a friend, but I try to aviod that as talking on the phone makes me nervous.
