slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. I'm fine.
- what had happened just before? A situation with my family got out of control.
- what were you thinking and feeling? Confused, overwhelmed, self hate, hurt
- why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time?was there an event that was the final straw?what was it? Si just happened so fast, like just lashing out, out of frustration, anger, I didn't take any time for any thought about it. It was a situation with my family that I don't want to talk about here.
- how did the situation get to the final straw stage?
trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. Things had gone from bad to worse over the course of the day, over the course of alot longer really. It just happened too fast, I can't think of a point where I could've changed things, days earlier maybe, knowing I was to a boiling point, I should've done something, talked to my husband for help maybe, I couldn't work it out or find a way or a right time. - were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? I had drank a couple days before, but it seemed to help. The last couple of days hadn't been sleeping well and had been having nightmares of tramatic things from long ago, a couple of the things that have really affected me, one nightmare from things over a year ago, one from 20 years ago. They brought back the helplessness and terror (terror's the wrong word...humiliation is what it was/is) and awfulness of those things. I have no idea how to stop nightmares from happening. Maybe resolving the things I feel about those times, but I can't anymore than I have. I've dealt with them as much as I can I think.
- what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? I didn't try anything, there just wasn't time.
- in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? I'm sure theres something, I just can't see what it could have been that would help that quickly. Maybe running and running and running, I don't know.
- name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. Just run maybe, I DON"T KNOW!!!!
- how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? Like it wasn't fair to me, but its resolved, I don't feel anything like I did yesterday about it, It seems like nothing today.
- are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Emotionally, it felt like self hate, and hurt, and being overwhelmed and I'm likely to feel that way again, yes. Maybe I can recognize it when it feels like things are happening too fast. Or feeling confused, like I can't get a grip on a situation.
- what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
I don't understand.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other? It wasn't like a choice, it just happened.
- Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking? It just happened. I keep razorblades, because it feels like some kind of security to me to have that option, so I guess if I didn't keep them, I wouldn't have that opportunity, but I'd just do something else.
- What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge? If I didn't ;have razors, I'd pull my hair, or bang my head or claw or tear at my skin.
- If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased? probably increased
- What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling? I have to hide to do it enough for relief, but can do it slightly even when I'm with people without them knowing and I don't need tools if I really want to bad enough so I guess that leaves waiting for the right feeling, but it's not like I'm ever waiting for the right feeling...I AVOID that feeling, so I just dont' know how to answer this.
- If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.
They're not all the same! The last was too fast to do anything with. Before that, I make myself believe that it won't change anything and it won't help. But that's not true, because it does help. Not the situation, but it helps how I feel.
- Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI? I think it was mostley self hate and feeling overwhelmed.
- If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
- What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
- Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
- If No - What coping skills got me through?
- Why do I think they worked?
- How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?
Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.
, even tho I know its justified. 
How're you?