BEFORE: although not intending to go through with it
Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 8:59 pm
Just feeling the urges strongly right now.
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel calmer, at first.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
A greater sense of resolve to move forward and get done what I need to do today.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
In the long run, I want to be a person who doesn't rely on SI to meet his goals.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief it brings will probably last for about an hour, followed by guilt and shame. After that, I'd probably post on BUS, or get some chocolate, or call my boyfriend.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I can make some progress on my goals without SI-ing, to feel a bit better about moving forward with them. I can also post on BUS, or get some chocolate.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow, if I SI, I'll feel pretty lousy and embarrassed, as if I've let myself down. If I just make some progress on my goals instead, I'll feel better.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
What I really want to do right now is go over to my boyfriend's house and cuddle up under the covers and watch a few movies. I can best honor that self-protective instinct by posting on BUS and getting some support here, before calling a friend.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I've been writing about some pretty triggering stuff, for my law school applications, and I don't know whether it will help me to be admitted, or whether they will just use it as a reason to dismiss me out of hand, or whether I could handle law school. I'm also planning to move across the country to live with a man, and I don't even know whether the person whom I'm moving across the country for is the right person to be in my life, whether he's healthy for me or whether I could live with him. He's got some serious problems that could really weigh me down. Of course, so do I, but I'm working on getting better. He needs a lot of poking and prodding to get him to care for himself. Also, one of my closest friends is in the hospital for a psychiatric episode, and that has me feeling frustrated that I can't contact her.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've been at the point before where I felt urges. Sometimes I gave in, and sometimes I went to get chocolate instead. I don't want that to become my main coping mechanism.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I took some of my anxiety medication. I walked up 5 flights of stairs. That was helpful. I could also make some progress on this work. That might help, too. It's just that I keep imagining the SI, and the injuries to my body. It's like that's a method of self-soothing, too. Oh, and last night I wrote all over my arm in black magic marker. I think that helps me to feel better, stronger, more confident.
How do I feel right now?
Actually, I'm smiling now.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Intense relief and an adrenaline rush.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Shock, horror, pain, embarrasment, need to conceal, incompetent, weak, regret.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't think I can avoid it. I'm thinking that spicy food and exercise might be good ways to get the adrenaline rush I need to help me focus on this stuff.
Do I need to hurt myself?
NO!
[/b][/i]
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel calmer, at first.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
A greater sense of resolve to move forward and get done what I need to do today.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
In the long run, I want to be a person who doesn't rely on SI to meet his goals.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief it brings will probably last for about an hour, followed by guilt and shame. After that, I'd probably post on BUS, or get some chocolate, or call my boyfriend.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I can make some progress on my goals without SI-ing, to feel a bit better about moving forward with them. I can also post on BUS, or get some chocolate.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow, if I SI, I'll feel pretty lousy and embarrassed, as if I've let myself down. If I just make some progress on my goals instead, I'll feel better.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
What I really want to do right now is go over to my boyfriend's house and cuddle up under the covers and watch a few movies. I can best honor that self-protective instinct by posting on BUS and getting some support here, before calling a friend.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I've been writing about some pretty triggering stuff, for my law school applications, and I don't know whether it will help me to be admitted, or whether they will just use it as a reason to dismiss me out of hand, or whether I could handle law school. I'm also planning to move across the country to live with a man, and I don't even know whether the person whom I'm moving across the country for is the right person to be in my life, whether he's healthy for me or whether I could live with him. He's got some serious problems that could really weigh me down. Of course, so do I, but I'm working on getting better. He needs a lot of poking and prodding to get him to care for himself. Also, one of my closest friends is in the hospital for a psychiatric episode, and that has me feeling frustrated that I can't contact her.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I've been at the point before where I felt urges. Sometimes I gave in, and sometimes I went to get chocolate instead. I don't want that to become my main coping mechanism.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I took some of my anxiety medication. I walked up 5 flights of stairs. That was helpful. I could also make some progress on this work. That might help, too. It's just that I keep imagining the SI, and the injuries to my body. It's like that's a method of self-soothing, too. Oh, and last night I wrote all over my arm in black magic marker. I think that helps me to feel better, stronger, more confident.
How do I feel right now?
Actually, I'm smiling now.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Intense relief and an adrenaline rush.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Shock, horror, pain, embarrasment, need to conceal, incompetent, weak, regret.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't think I can avoid it. I'm thinking that spicy food and exercise might be good ways to get the adrenaline rush I need to help me focus on this stuff.
Do I need to hurt myself?
NO!
[/b][/i]