before *SI triggs*

[ambivalent red]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It will take my stress away.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring another scar, it will take away the anxiety.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to not be nervous. probably closer right now.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
Yes, it seems the best option, it will last until I see my T. Then I will see my T and the anxiety will hopefully be gone.


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could do my work and take my mind off everything. It will make me focus only on work. Im not sure how long it will last, I can not stay concentrated at work.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow I will feel ashamed if i cut. Tomorrow I will have my work done and my boss wont yell as much.


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to go into the bathroom with my razor and cut my leg. It's only skin, right? What does it matter, if it takes me away and keeps me alive right now, I think it's ok.
I will try to fight the urge, hence this questinaire, but I dont think I will succeed. This situation is intense.