bus

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? It won't. Maybe I'll sleep.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run?

Normal

is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

Farther

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? until i need to again.

what will i do then? Trim again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? Drive somewhere

how will it change the situation i'm in? won't.

how long will that change last, and what will i do then? until I stop...i dunno.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? probably won't care. stupid.

how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? poor.

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? real

What has brought me to this point? I'm not real. This isn't real. I'm imagining shit

Have I been here before? yeah.

What did I do to deal with it? Trimmed

How did I feel then? Stupid. weird. not...human. humans don't feel like this.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? music. lots of music.What else can I do that won't hurt me? sleep...

How do I feel right now? fake. like cardboard left out in the rain. likeold paper that was left in the sun. like brown paint in a bathroom. like a can of flat soda.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself? vindicated

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? yeah. no. sorta. avoiding it...is worse.

Do I need to hurt myself? yes. want to. i want to.[/b]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? I'll feel better. I'll think better.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
just...some clarity. Just feel so foggy. Can't focus.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run?
I dunno.

is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
doubt it.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last?
a few days. a week tops.

what will i do then?
probably trim again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself?
play with the dog. go for a drive. wash dishes. exercise. BUS. clean the house. sleep maybe i think im tired enough now.

how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i dont It won't stop it. won't change. postpone.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself?
guilty. bad. real. normal. for me.

how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

same as now. i want to.

what do i really want to do right now?
crtrim

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?

it makes sense. it feels real. it feels I feel it. I know i feel it. there's no doubt. I feel it. i say "this is pain. other people feel this. it makes sense to feel this when you do this. this is what people feel.

What has brought me to this point?
i dont know I DONT KNOW2 i didnt do anything wrong. i was nice to everyone. all day. open doors. smile. raise your hand. answer the question. ask the question. laugh at the joke. make one. i was good.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
this. it just came on. hit me like a hammer. i sat down i felt fine i turned on the computer i started to make a backup i cancelled it cuz im out of dvds i came on chrome and bam.

How do I feel right now?
like i ran a marathon in my head. like a comforter pulled from a vacuum bag. an empty box, wrapped in ribbon; a practical joke on myself for christmas. a box inside a box insid ea box inside a box and only air. stale old air.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
how does a tree feel in fall? how does it feel when the first leaf turns orange, brown, yellow. when they shrivel and fall to the ground, and the wind whispers their rustling deaththrows to the world? how does the tree feel? does it mourn the loss of green, the end of life as it shudders free its sudden burdens to hybernate? does it rejoice, like a dog shedding fur? does it feel release or remorse?

how will i feel this time? ask the tree.

Do I need to hurt myself?
I think so.