bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i won't feel sick anymore.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  it will help me feel better, but it will also make me feel defeated.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i want to feel in control, and purging will help me feel that for a while. but it will also make me feel like a slave to my ed.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  it'll last for a few hours, and then i'll have to eat again.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  i could take a walk and get away from all the food smells. it'll last for a while, and then i'll do another distraction.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  i will need to do it again, i'll feel trapped. if i walk, i'll feel okay.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

i want to get rid of the food in my stomach. i can honor that by walking and burning some calories.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.