bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  
  the situation won't change. I may feel more able to cope in the short term.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  
  it may bring a sense of clarity but it will take away my sense of control over my life.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  
  I don't want to feel that I'm always going to be a person who self-harms. I want to say that it's in my past. The longer I carry on self harming, the further way that seems. If not impossible.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  
  a day, a few days maybe. Then I may SI again, or may feel more able to cope.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  I could go in the bath and read the magazine I bought yesterday. I could watch a film. I could go for a walk. I could do the ironing.
  
  None of these things will change the situation in themselves but they will mean that I haven't hurt myself.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  Mixed feelings. At the moment I am not feeling particularly negative about SIing, so I dont think I would feel bad tomorrow. Am likely to feel annoyed/ashamed at some point though.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I don't know. I want to sleep, but I know that wouldn't be good for me. I want to eat chocolate, but I know that wouldn't be good for me. I feel so disinterested in things at the moment.

[*]How do I feel right now?

frustrated. lonely. bored. embarressed by myself.

[*]How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

calm. focussed. relieved.

[*]How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

Scared by what I've done. Annoyed by having to take care of myself and keep it hidden.

[*]Do I need to hurt myself? [/list]

no. I do not need to hurt myself. But part of me wants to and that's really scaring me today.