after

[breathing]

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  yes.
• what had happened just before?
  I was thinking about my body, and just thinking and thinking. That triggered me a lot.
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  I felt alone and just triggered about how I don't like the way my body looked. I also thought about how I just ate and how disgusting the food felt in me.
  Then I thought about how I just was so disgusting and how I felt that I could devour the world, if everyone left me alone for long enough.
  And that I wanted to see that I wasn't the only in pain. I don't know why, but I thought about that.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  Um, because no one was bothering me at the time.
  I guess the final straw was when I thought about how I needed control and to stop just being such a disgusting person. :/
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  When I was thinking about how I felt, I guess I could have thought of doing something such as exercising or something, instead of injuring myself.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I was pretty tired at the time... In fact, I was about to take a nap.
  I could have tried to 'stave myself off' and think, "Well, I'll SI if I still feel emotionally unstable after I wake up." or something like that.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  I tried to take my mind off the thoughts, but they just kept coming back. I didn't try anything other than that.
  I guess I could have stopped trying to repressing my feelings.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  I could have tried to write down how I felt at the time... I think that writing would have helped me at the time. I don't know why I didn't try.
  Also listening to the talk radio and trying to calm myself down, or draw, or something. There was a whole host of things I could have tried.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  Next time, at the least, I'll try to write how I feel. Or I can try to talk to someone on the phone or something.
  Generally, my friends are pretty supportive when it comes to me SIing. (Although I've never really spoke to them about it before.)
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  The situation is not really resolved. I still feel the same hate towards my body, especially now since I've eaten 'dinner' for the day. Also, I still feel like I need to talk to someone.
  I guess I'll try to read some things in 'coping' about what I can do.
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  I think I'm likely to be in this emotional state again. I'll recognize it because I usually try to distance myself from others when I feel like this. I'll try not to distance myself next time.
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  I'll try to write, draw, or listen to something or watch TV to try to distract myself. I can also read an interesting book or exercise.