slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.
- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
- what had happened just before?
my mom asked if I was alright, I wasnt but I said I was just to avoid having to tell her how i felt. - what were you thinking and feeling?
Worthless, that if my friends didnt want to talk to me, meant that I must be unimportant and insignificant in their lives.
Anxious and desperate for someone. - why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
not really a huge final straw as in an event. More so the feeling like if you dont talk to me right this minute I am going to fall apart. the feeling got overwhelming and I wanted a quick fix, the anxiety was exploding out of me and i was losing control. I didnt want to lose control because I had to go to work later and losing control means sinking down and not coming back up for a few days. If I let that take over me, I have surrendered. The anxeity was just too much. I was trying to stay above water. - how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
the last few days after talking to a certain person I felt like i had opened a flood gate and began to feel like crap again. So rejected. I managed to get through one day of it, but then as the days went on and i was feeling more and more rejected it was making me more anxious and making me think more. I guess my talking to someone about how i felt woulda been the best, its just that i dont have many people that will just listen to me like that. And i tried writing it out and it worked for a day. so im not sure. - were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I was tired and hungry. Didnt feel like eating all day, not much in the house. I can make sure to have something small but noursishing in the house thats easy to eat. And take a nap when my body is telling me to. - what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
this time nothing, because it came on so fast almost out of nowhere. my emotion was triggered, and so I fixed it right away. Usually I write. this time I just kinda forgot i guess. in the moment you dont realize theres other options sometimes. - in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
yes writing. - name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
writing also expels the emotions. And forces me to see how im feeling and why so essencially its less confusing. - how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
its not resolved. im not sure how to resolve it. thats the problem. it makes me anxious everytime i think about it. I think i just need to move on. - are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
yes most likely. I recognize it by the anxeity and feeling. - what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
- writing
-trying to talk to someone about my feelings
-comforting myself---im not sure how yet
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
it was fast, I was alone, in my usual place with my tools. - Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
It was here for the taking. - What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
I would place it aside, distract myself with whatever I was doing and let the feeling slowly subside. Eventually i would feel in control again. - If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
decrease - What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
being alone, usually at night, new tools yes to some degree not always if im desperate enough, one of two feelings is usually present. Either spiraling out of control emotionally, or feeling nothing at all. - If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
im not sure. but probably anxious
After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.
I write and write until I understand the feeling. I watch movies, come on BUS.
- Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
yeah i think - If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
they were being alone and no one to talk to or listen to the way I am feeling. getting angry and feeling desperate that no one cares about me.
I figured them out by reading back my journal entry of how i was feeling at the time. so through writing I could say exactly how i was feeling - What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
im not sure yet - Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
- If No - What coping skills got me through?
- Why do I think they worked?
- How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?
Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.