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Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
• what had happened just before?
  I got really upset over the shitty day I'd had, and there was nothing there to distract me.
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  That I hated my life. I wished I could be someone, anyone else, who could be in another place or another time. Angry at my mom for putting me in such difficult positions and acting like such a child.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  Probably because T (boyfriend) wasn't around. Usually when I'm feeling upset I talk to him about something else and it takes my mind off of it. Knowing that he would be disappointed if I hurt myself is more incentive not to, but I sort of lost grip on that last night because I haven't talked to him in a few days. I suppose he still cares about me, but I just don't feel that he does right now.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  I could have called T and left a message on his voicemail to call me back. He was at work when I reached that point of no return stage, but I think I might have been able to distract myself from it enough until he called me back. If he called me back.. I don't know if he would have.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  I had only gotten four hours of sleep the night before. It was my fault, I took some midol for cramps and it has caffeine in it so I wasn't able to fall asleep.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  I sat around online for a bit and saw if anyone I could trust would come on... nobody did. Tried watching tv but nothing interested me.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  Calling someone... I can always call my ex, J (he knows about my problems), or just call a random friend just to talk.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
  Maybe write phone numbers on my hand, or store them with my tools.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  It definitely isn't resolved. I'm a little bit angry with T for not calling me, it makes me feel like he doesn't care. I guess I could talk to him, but my family is encouraging me to keep as many of my problems from him as possible since they think it will cause him to dump me for a saner girl with a more normal family. So I don't think I'll talk with him about it.
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  Maybe. I don't know how I'll recognize it though.
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

-Calling a friend
-Listening to music
-Going to sleep

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  Because I knew it would help me feel better and that nobody would notice, or care.
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  It was just there as a result of a bad day.
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  Probably been gradually distracted by other people, or by going for a walk.
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  Decreased.
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  Being alone (or being able to be alone in a room), having the urge to, having nobody around that I can possibly IM or call.
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  A little bit scared, but I would get over the urge.

I'm a little bit angry with T for not calling me, it makes me feel like he doesn't care.

Does T have a pattern of not calling/acting like he doesn't care? Or does it just feel in the moment like he doesn't care, but when you look objectively at the evidence, he probably does care? I guess what I am asking is: is this feeling the result of an accurate or distorted perception of the situation? Because he could care a lot and still not call for a variety of legitimate reasons, right?

I guess I could talk to him, but my family is encouraging me to keep as many of my problems from him as possible since they think it will cause him to dump me for a saner girl with a more normal family.

Do you feel comfortable keeping things from him? There's certainly a balance--the challenges you are facing shouldn't be the focus of your relationship and you shouldn't rely on him to be a second therapist or anything. But I think there is room for being open and honest, if you are more comfortable with that.

I think it's really good that you have people you can talk to in general who can help you through this, and I am sorry they weren't available this time. I think calling a random friend to talk is a good idea and putting phone numbers with your tools as a reminder is smart. Are there other things you can do on your own if no one is available to talk?

I'm sorry you had such a rough day and I hope things get better.

I usually talk with T every day, although he does have a pattern of not calling when he's at the apartment with his friends. It doesn't bother me usually, I'm glad he's having fun, but when I'm upset and really need the reassurance that he's still there for me it makes me kind of irritated. I know he cares but when I'm in a horrible mood after having a bad day I just need to hear it because I start doubting myself.

I don't really feel comfortable keeping stuff from him because I know it makes him worry more than when I tell him what's going on. Also, I know that the issues I was dealing with at the time when I was dating my last boyfriend did have a big effect on our relationship, and I don't want things to be that way this time.

I'm not really sure what else I could do if there's nobody to talk to. If I had been at school, I might have gone for a walk and found people to hang out with. But being at home is kind of isolating, I'm stuck in one place.

thank you for your advice. I really appretiate it.