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How will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel like I have received the punishment I deserve for what I've done.
I will be able to express some of the pain that I can't find words for.


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Hurting myself will make me feel in control.
Hurting myself will make me feel out of control.


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel forgiven and to change and to grow and to start over.
I want to be able to be thankful that I walked this path and that I overcame the obstacles. And that I didn't run away from it.
Hurting myself won't help me get closer to any of those things.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It won't last long at all.
When the relief is gone then I will look at my cuts and tell myself to be satisfied with them. And I'll go to sleep.
Even before I fall asleep I will wish I hadn't done it. But the cuts will also be good tomorrow, they'll help and I'll hate them at the same time.


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
Make tea and toast. And read my book.
It won't change the situation I'm in, but will distract me from SH and make me feel a bit better right now.
The change will last until tomorrow. I'll read til I fall asleep and then it will be tomorrow. Tomorrow I might feel better.


how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Disappointed. Scared of myself, of being alone. Messy. Stupid. Provokative. Guilty. Like I've let everyone down again.
If I make toast and read my book I will feel the same as just now maybe. But I won't feel worse.


what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I want to make toast. I want to not have to SH.