I feel numb
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel again, I hope. I shall feel something - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Hopefully it will fix the issue. However, it will also represent a failure in myself... - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
It will bring me farther from being "free" of these horrible feelings and numbness - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It would last until bedtime and then when I wake up, it should be over - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I can try to distract myself with conversation and books. It won't be as effective but maybe it will also last me well enough until bedtime. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'll be upset that I broke an eight month streak and I'll curse myself for being stupid. I'll be less upset if I do not SI. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want some comfort from another person. I want someone to hold me, kiss my forehead and nose, and let me feel their heart beating. I don't know how to accomplish this because the two people I would want to hold me are 25 minutes away and asleep. I'm very much alone, at the moment.
