bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I don't know,I can't handle this.I just can't handle this feeling.I can't breathe.I'll be able to relax,instead of panic.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? Relief,calm,it will bring me back to reality.
  It will take away my 8 monthes,and the struggles I've been having the past few weeks will have been for nothing.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I just want to feel safe and OK and I don't feel anywhere near either.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? I can't think,I don't know.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I don't know,make a bracelet,but I already did that today and it didnt help.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? I can't think that far,but I'm sure i will feel like crap but at least not as bad as I feel right now.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really want to just fucking do it.Just a little.


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? Thinking too much,Looking at pictures of S and reading his blog made me feel hopeless and alone.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? I don't know,not this bad.I don't know how to deal with this,really I am panicked.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I tried to cry but I can't,and I am trying to breathe,but I can't do that either.
• How do I feel right now? Like I really want to talk to someone but I am all alone.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself? shitty and confused.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? I don't know.Probably shitty and confused.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future? Stay the hell away from S.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

No,but I don't know what else to do.I feel trapped.