bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i'll feel relieved, and calmer
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  bring calm and peace, take away my ability to cope wothout si
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  long run it'll give me more scars which i already hate adn catch 22 cause some of the problems
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  it'll last so that i can go to bed, rest and get some sleep b4 work tomorrow
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  questions here, more spider solitaire, sleep, none of it will change the overall situation but getting some sleep might help me cope better
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  i'm not sure i'll feel different either way, it all feels very hopeless at the moment with or without SI
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  i want to cry lots becasue i stopped myself earlier but all my sad songs aren't woring and i still feel frustrated

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  counselling today was hard, and i've been thining about it all non stop since then, none of my housemates are here they've all gone out and i'm annoyed i have to work tomorrow and so can't go
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  always different, i know i can get through the urges, i'm just not sure if i *want* to
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  binged a bit (but that's not really helpful) spent time online, listened to sad songs, played spider solitaire
• How do I feel right now?
  lonely and sad
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  calm and peaceful
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  guilty
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  nope, not until i fix things
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  i dont' think there's ever a *need* as such for me, but there's a definite want right now and i'm struggling to thin why that's so bad

If sleeping might help, maybe that is the next thing to try? I often find myself having more trouble when I am too tired...emotions tend to get harder to handle, although I am not sure why exactly.

Also, since some of this sounds like it is from having to be "responsible" and go to work rather than doing things with people, could you plan something later that you would enjoy (with or without other people)?

I wish I had some better things to suggest, but I can't think clearly right now.