Before
Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 8:19 pm
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I feel real. I won't have to think about Parker anymore. If he can't be my escape then cutting myself has to be.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It'll probably only bring more anguish once I realize what I've done or when the day comes when someone finally finds out. It will take away this numbness, it will stop me from crying.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Farther and that's what I want.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I'll probably be happy for at least an hour and then I can go to sleep.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could call him back...but I fear that would only make things worse. He is not my escape. He said it himself.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'd probably be depressed tomorrow if I call him back. I'll be down tomorrow if I cut myself too. The results are always the same.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I just want to cut. I want to be free of all of this. I really just want to find one of my stepdad's guns and put it to my head. I'm so done with all of this...
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I can't take this anymore! I feel sick, I need to do it, I need to just get a little of this weight off of my shoulders.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
How do I feel right now?
Hopeless.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Alive.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I'll probably feel the same way and just do it again...
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't know how to deal with any of this. I need help. I can't ask for it...
Do I need to hurt myself?
Yes.
I feel real. I won't have to think about Parker anymore. If he can't be my escape then cutting myself has to be.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It'll probably only bring more anguish once I realize what I've done or when the day comes when someone finally finds out. It will take away this numbness, it will stop me from crying.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Farther and that's what I want.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
I'll probably be happy for at least an hour and then I can go to sleep.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could call him back...but I fear that would only make things worse. He is not my escape. He said it himself.
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I'd probably be depressed tomorrow if I call him back. I'll be down tomorrow if I cut myself too. The results are always the same.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I just want to cut. I want to be free of all of this. I really just want to find one of my stepdad's guns and put it to my head. I'm so done with all of this...
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I can't take this anymore! I feel sick, I need to do it, I need to just get a little of this weight off of my shoulders.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
How do I feel right now?
Hopeless.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Alive.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I'll probably feel the same way and just do it again...
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't know how to deal with any of this. I need help. I can't ask for it...
Do I need to hurt myself?
Yes.