before
Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 5:31 pm
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
I am not sure I have a self protective instinct. I just don't want people mad at me again.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
yes yes yes but will I? Not sure
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? It won't change
- what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? it will bring about closure or the punishment that I feel that I need.
- how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? I dond't know
- if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? IF it is for punishment which it is, then it is just that punishment.
- what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? nothing, well I am doing this.
- how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? Can't feel much worse than I do right now.
- what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I am not sure I have a self protective instinct. I just don't want people mad at me again.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? punishment, I always hurt other people
- Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then? yes, same
- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me? I have been in therapy and that turned out to be more harmful than good.
- How do I feel right now? Words cannot express, self loathing, self hate,
- How will I feel when I am hurting myself? relief, like I deserve it. I hurt others I should be hurt.
- How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning? Relileved, I will feel like I deserved it
- Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Only if I run away. - Do I need to hurt myself?
yes yes yes but will I? Not sure