Before You Self-Harm
Write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. Look at it. Ask yourself:
- How will this situation or feeling change if I hurt myself?
A release... I can do something about the anger, frustration, confusion that I'm dealing with right now - What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?
It will bring some sense of security. Hurting myself is familar. This drama. These issues are not. It's just going to make the situation more complicated. - How do I want to feel about this in the long run? Is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I don't know. I want all of this shit to go away. Hurting myself isn't going to change anything. - If hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? What will I do then?
The relief will last until the end of tonight, maybe until tomorrow. Hopefully it will help long enough for all of this shit to be sorted out. If not, than I really don't know what I will do. Probably hurt myself again. - What is something I could do now instead of hurting myself? How will it change the situation I'm in? How long will that change last, and what will I do then?
I don't know. I just want it all to go away. I don't have anyone that I can talk to. It's just way too complicated of a situation to explain. I've written all I can write. I'm playing loud and angry music. I don't want to sleep because eventually Kr will come back online or Kp will call me. I don't want to do anything. I can't do anything. - How will I feel tomorrow if I hurt myself? How will I feel tomorrow if I do the other thing I came up with?
There isn't anything I can do. It's up to Kr to figure this out. It's his issue. - what do I really want to do right now? How can I best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want all of the drama to end. I want to know that I will still have friends tomorrow. I don't want anyone to get hurt. This issue is so much bigger than just me.
Urges aren't necessarily the enemy. They happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Because I don't know what's going to happen. And there is nothing I can do to fix/help/change that. I have no control over the situation and I hate that. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
No... and I don't like it. I want the drama to end. Why does everyone have to go all friggin Middle School drama. "He said this" "She said this" It's ridiculous. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've talked to who I can. I've written about it. I'm listening to angry music. The only thing I can do is wait. - How do I feel right now?
Helpless. Out of control. Angry. Frustrated. Confused. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will be in control. The pain I feel will be my doing. I'll know I'm responsible. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Worse. I know it isn't going to help anything. I'll regret it so much. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Ya, I can never ever like a boy again because all it brings is drama. - Do I need to hurt myself?
Yes. I really truely do. But I can't. I promised myself a very long time ago that I would never hurt myself because of a boy. This situation definitely falls into that category. Which makes this all the more frustrating.