bus

I've been SI free for a while.
But I feel the need to fill one of these out. I'm worried...

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how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel instant relief for the first hour or so. In the morning, after my shower, I will hate myself.


what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It won't really affect the situation itself, just how I feel about myself and how emotionally stable I am..


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel happy. I'll do anything to be happy...

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief could last from an hour to tomorrow morning... most likely, after a bath, I will hate myself. Or tomorrow, after my shower, I will hate myself. I don't know what I would do, I suppose just SI more to take my mind off of it, which would make me feel worse, so then I SI... etc. etc.


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I'm talking to a friend on the phone (not about this, mind), I'm doing these questions, I'm going to read a bit... Ugh. I don't know.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will be angry. And I know that I'll be angry at myself for not having the cuts deeper...because I want scars.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I... I don't know what I want.

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*sigh*

I am glad you took the time to fill out the questions. I hope that helped a little bit. It sounds like you recognize that SIing will only afford you temporary relief and will probably ultimately result in your feeling worse.

Do you have a sense of what type of coping skill would be useful right now? Would something soothing be helpful? Something expressive? Something energy releasing?

Thank you B...

I can't get to sleep, and so I think I'll just spend a large portion of the night on BUS (I just feel safer here) and let myself calm down. I want to do school work but I'm worried that'll add on stress. But I need to get it done... Ugh.

No SIing for me tonight. I'm talking to someone online, and that's very helpful...

I can't have anymore temporary reliefs.