After

[truexxfeelings]

I'm pretty new to this whole thing, but I figured here is a good place to start. This happened Monday night and Tuesday morning, after 5 months clean.


have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
I have, I don't know about my head, but I think it's okay for now.


what had happened just before?
I was in the shower and I was thinking about the course of the day.


what were you thinking and feeling?
i was thinking about how much I missed my friends from the week before, all the things I had to do this coming week, the suggestion from a few friends to go see a counselor, my roommate's and mine discussion about my eating habits, my guy friend and his nonchalant attitude towards me. I was feeling worried, stressed, sad, angry, and tired.


why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
Why then? I don't know. There have been better opportunities for me to SI. The most influential event, maybe not the 'last straw' was the talk with my roommate. it was a hard one to deal with.


how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.

How did it get there? I don't know. I could have definitely avoided it by not lying to the friends I had texted and telling them I was okay. I could have not showered at night, because back in my SI days that is when I did it a lot. I could have avoided that situation in that way, but hey, I hadn't showered and I needed to. I wasn't even thinking about it before hand. I just got really desperate while I was in there.


were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?

i don't really have a safety net here at school, so that was a factor


what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?

music, texting my friends, and trying to deep breathe


in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?

don't know if it's a coping method, but don't shower at night for the time being. call a friend instead of texting (makes it more real)

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.

write it on my hand, or remind a friend so they can hold me accountable

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?

the situation? I don't know. it's my life right now, so I guess it's not resolved. I have a counseling appointment on monday, so that is resolved in a sense, but not in the sense that I am still very worried about it.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?

for a little while, I think I will be very likely to be back there. I will think things through, and go to the friends who offer their support when I need to.


what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

again, for right now, not shower at night. if i do and feel urges, get out right away. then call someone.