bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i'll be less anxious. the situtaion itself wont chagne.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  it'll bring calm. itll take away... uhm. something.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i want to feel...s afe. no siing wont help.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  it'll last for a few hours. tomorrow mornign itll all strat over again. then ill just keep on hanging inthere till frdiay. when is ee my pdoc.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  i could... go to bed? will last till tomorrow. then ill mabye feel better.???
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  if i hurt myself ill probably wake up feeling like doing it again. if i do the toher things ill probaly still feel anxoius but maybe better. who knows.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  i really want to curl up and scream. and be held. i can honor that by... crualing up in bed nad cullding my tedy bear?=

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  im really exhausted. i had along emotionally exhaustive day. it was awful. and now i just feel so overhwelmed.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  yes. i dealt with it by talking to people till i was tired enough togo to bed.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  i have tried talking to poele. i can... take a pill thatll calm me down?
• How do I feel right now?
  really really dissociated.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  grounded.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  scared. afraid. hurting. tomororw. disappointed prolly. urgy.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  can't always avoid bad days. they come and they go. deal with it better? not currently no. but i#m leanring.
• Do I need to hurt myself?
  no........................................ theres no need. not *need* but... i dunno.

i am trying. really. ia m.

Hey Clouds.

I hope today was better. One thing that my friend taught me for when I feel dissociated is to touch my collar bones or my sternum. Gentle pressure hurts slightly without causing injury and feeling the bone helps me feel more real and connected to my body.