bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I will feel less pain inside for a while, be able to move the focus away from the hurt and confusion I feel inside.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It would initially bring a sense of peace, though eventually it would lead to self directed anger.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  In the long run....I don't know, I'm having problems focusing that far off...I just want to stop the craziness and hurting inside of me now and not care about the future.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  In the past it usually seems to last long enough for me to refocus and look at things more clearly...I don't know if it would be the same now or not.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could go to bed, I am tired and I have to work tomorrow morning so the work will keep me busy during the day and with some time space away from the things i may be better able to focus on dealing with them all.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  probably angry at myself for si'ing...if i do the other thing i will feel indifferent, it only matters when i do something wrong, not something right
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

i want to be angry, i want to cry and sleep and hide from the world for a couple of days

hey,

i hope writing that out last night helped and that you were able to get some sleep in the end. i wonder if you could challenge the thoughts around it only mattering if you do something wrong? getting through something tstressful without SI can be a HUGE achievement, maybe if you don't SI you could do something nice to reward yourself?

hope you're feeliong a little better now.
xx