Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel... thats all I want, I'm hurting so bad about so many things the revenge/ at war sense that I have with myself will be satisfied. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
pain, guilt, relief... it won't change a whole lot in the long run - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
to get rid of these images, to be able to let go and say they were stupid for not taking me, to move on
it's going to help with the images a bit I think, It'll let them all win though, so I think long run it won't be good at all. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
it depends, at this moment in time i don't know if i care how much I would do it, I don't know if I have the control to stop myself if I start... thats scary - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
go to zoe's. it will be a safe place. I can talk. it may make more longer lasting change - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
bad like i let them win.
if I go to zoes I'll feel better on the one hand, guilty on the other - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
find him and hurt him like he hurt me
hurt the doctors that can't see what this is doing to me
hurt the people who didn't even give me the damn interview, who have no clue what that would have meant
I can't hurt them so why not hurt someone? If it's me then so be it.
I don't want that, I shouldn't want that
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I'm done with everything, it's just piled up higher and higher it feels like I'm trying to scream but no one hears me. Long week has brought me here, sleepless nights, pain - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
i can't think of it, I can't think - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
talking to zoe, trying to type out the scene that has been going through my head, doing this, doing surveys online - How do I feel right now?
like shit - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
numb, focus, I won't care - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
right after, nothing. After that, I don't know I'm scared I'm in the same headspace where I won't care tomorrow either. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
probably... I don't know, maybe
not let things pile up. Ask for help when I have a nightmare/flashback.
Talk to my t - Do I need to hurt myself?
Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it
