bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  i will have a reason to stay silent and stay away from my mom (she's kinda mad at me)
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  it'll give me ammunition, but take away my self-worth
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  want to feel accomplished. it'll get me farther.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  talk to people about positive things, that'll get my mind off it for a while
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  i'll feel stupid and worthless. i'll feel happy i have friends.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  i really want to get away from the anger and all the baby stuff i'm stuck with rite now. i want to do something adult and independent. i can go for a walk by myself.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

Stay strong, please. Sorry, I'm low on words atm.

I'm going to be really hypocritical right now and just say, I read and can empathize with what you're feeling right now. I sincerely hope you stay safe and make the decision that is best for you.