bus

After:

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
• what had happened just before?
  i felt so alone and like such an outsider. where do i belong?
• what were you thinking and feeling? i just hurt so bad inside. the shame was eating me alive
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  if i could just see the hurt i felt, i knew it would snap me back to reality
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
  it just starts with a thought that i'm not good enough for anybody to want to be friends with or want to talk to and you are what you think, right? so....i couldn't take it anymore...the thoughts and feelings.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  i've been really tired and extra stressed at work but..??
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  i tried to just leave the environment i was in
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  i could have called someone to talk i guess.....it's so hard to do that when i already feel so ashamed about how i'm feeling
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  i hate myself because i'm afraid people are going to wonder if i did it because i left the place i was at. there is no resolution to this situation
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? very likely. it's like a weight that comes upon brick by brick it's not so bad but suddenly that final brick and i fall
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  call my friend, journal?, ???

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  the timing...weekends are easier for me to cut....i was going to be alone later anyway
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
  i could have fought the urge. the situation made it too strong to fight
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
  decreased
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  feelings...whatever validates that i'm worthless
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
  panic....eventually

After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one.

• Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI?
• If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out?
• What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings?
• Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used?
• If No - What coping skills got me through?
• Why do I think they worked?
• How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in?

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

Hi Chero

It sounds like there's a situation going on that you don't feel quite comfortable talking about openly, which is absolutely fine...but I'm unclear as to whether the shame you're feeling has to do with something involved with that situation, or if it's about the feelings of self-hate that you talk about...do you know yourself? Would it be helpful to talk to someone that knows what's going on, if you don't know where the shame is coming from?

You said that "you are what you think" - this is not necessarily true, in the sense that our thoughts about ourselves don't always reflect the truth about ourselves. A thought that you are unlovable does not make you unlovable. It can eventually, however, cause you to act in ways that make it difficult for people to relate to you - in that sense, we may become what we think. It's called self-fulfilling propechy. The trick is to catch the negative thought as quickly as possible and change it to something more positive, so that we *don't* end up acting in the negative ways that we think about ourselves.

That can be difficult, but it's doable. When you start to feel like you're not good enough that anybody would want to be friends or talk to you, what is a more positive thought that you could substitute?

I hope you're okay.