bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  It won't. In fact it will be embarrassing.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  shame. relief. digust. friends when they make those faces, like they know but they don't want to say
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I just want to not think about it. Strip it from my mind. But that may be the reason I'm here now.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  Since I haven't been active in SI-ing in a year or so I always feel guilty & fake when I resort to si-ing. but sometimes it doesn't stop me.
  I digress. The relief will be none at all.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  i could write in my journal. idk if I can do anything without guilt anymore
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  sick. sick. sick. because I will see my friends and they will be like wtf and try to avoid it. & when my sister comes home tomorrow she will be like WHAT IS THIS SHIT. ugh. just think of that. that is proof people care
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

what I really want to do is know the answer. know how i feel. talk to kw but then again not. I just want to be relaxed. maybe I should just go to bed


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  watch tv. IM my sister. bitch
• How do I feel right now?
  tired. scared. anxious. annoyed at myself and others. fat
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  scared. out of control. scccccccccaaaareeeeed
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  like an idiot. A complete idiot.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  no some things in life you have to see them all the time. I cant control other people. I can't control kw he is his own person. I must control myself. change myself. be a better person
• Do I need to hurt myself?

it is never a need only a want or an urge