bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I will feel a release of tension but the situation itself doesn't change
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It brings a break from the feelings
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  In the long run I don't feel I'll ever be strong enough not to hurt myself - but thats not how I WANT to feel.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  The relief will last long enough for me to go to sleep
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could go for a walk but the risk is that its late at night, dark, cold and my heads not in a good place to be out on my own. I need a solution to these feelings that's not going to have consequences I can't fix.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  If I cut I will have to hide it because it's shameful. If I go for a walk I'll be too tired to get up for work in just a few hours.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to feel better. I want to NOT feel all tensed up in a ball and hopeless about the chaos in my head.
I'm not sure I have a self-protective instinct....


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  The small tensions of the day and the increasing difficulty of ignoring the voices and acting normal at work have built up and built up all day.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  Mostly I cut or score or drink. Sometimes I just go to bed the minute I get in and stay there til the morning. Getting up still wearing the day before's clothes makes me feel lower than when I cut. Weaker somehow.
• What have I done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  I've distracted myself with music and bus. What else won't hurt me...ummmm....read a book maybe?
• How do I feel right now?
  Sick in my stomach
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  Happy and disgusted at the same time
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  I will feel released fom tension and calm afterwards. Then guilty and a bit panicky about hiding any evidence - as if there's anyone to see it!
  Tomorrow morning the cuts will sting and be a reminder all day that I did this.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I need to change my mindset. Bring back the cognitive therapy and mindfulness training I've had . The stressors themselves don't change.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

Of course I don't NEED to - what a dumbass question. You only NEED to eat, drink, breathe and sleep. It's not about NEED.

did writing out the answers help at all?

perhaps you could try a bath or doing some reading like you suggested. if you have to go to work in a few hours, maybe it would be helpful to try for the sleep right now, but in a healthier way than cutting, i find that listening to talk radio or relaxation cd's helps me fall asleep, or just putting something rubbish on the tv nd watching till i can't keep my eyes open anymore.

xx

hey take it from someone who SI'd recently do everything you can not to SI like you said it isn't going to help in the long run try to do a puzzle on the computer or watch a movie listen to music or try to go to sleep, just try everything you cab before you SI maybe the feeling will be less as time goes on

Damn.
tried my best but only put it off.
Next time is a new start though.